You shall be there, always;

She gave me peace, like a morning coffee. Her laughter was like the very first sip. You savor it and wish you could retain it until your last breath.

Like its aroma, her fragrance ascended shyly and kissed my soul with ecstasy.

I was myself, when around her, and yet so not myself.

In the lee hours, I think about her.

The picture of her hair dancing flamboyantly at her shoulder. Her gaze, slipping into my soul, as if it had an intention to steal. The touch of her fingers, carelessly sucking the breath out of me.

It gives me peace. Makes me feel weightless at my feet.

I smile like a fool, until I realize that in a matter of seconds the picture would tear itself apart.

Was the feeling mutual? Certainly not.

It was something that I could not possess. Perhaps I was not supposed to. The best things in the world are better left unattained. It is just to be felt and preserved in our memory, like a beautiful memento.

The Darkest Nights

When you sink into the grey you realise how alone you are. 

You are always there for others. Lighting a candle in their darkest hours. And yet, you have seen the darkest nights; alone.

You give them your warm shoulders, not because you’re very kind. You’re there for them because you know what it feels to be abandoned and forgotten. 

People like you makes the world a little better place. You deserve much more than you know, and this world owes you.

Worship

Do you remember the time when you were on your knees and life was kicking the daylight out of you? You probably thought “That's it. I am never gonna survive this storm”. And yet you did.

You’ve surpassed the darkness. The void. The deafening hue and cries calling you into the abyss.

There were times when you crawled through a swamp. You felt suffocated, begging for a new breath. You must find humour in realising that the moment you were pushed to the edge, you rose, got up on your feet, and survived the inferno which could have burnt you to dust.

When was the last time you clenched your teeth and cried so hard that your voice died by the time it reached your mouth?
Was it a recent past or a forgotten one? 

If it is a recent past you would still have the feeling of exasperation and bliss that you get when you smell fresh rain; and if it is a forgotten past, well then it’s best be forgotten.

Have you been cursing your life, blaming it for conspiring against you, complaining how unfair it is? Aren’t you being unfair to yourself by doing so? How about for once, accept it as it is. Perhaps, your life would glare at you passionately and be kind at times.

How often have you blamed your heart for being naively stupid? Isn’t it responsible for most of your sorrows? Leaving you vulnerable. Compelling you to look for emotional support, which in actuality is the most lively myth there ever was.

There is a peculiarity about our heart though, if you haven’t noticed already. It might never forget the calamities befallen on it, breaking it to fragments; but it forgives. The forgiveness is not for anyone but for you. It cleanses your soul and prepares you for a new vibration.

Let's, for once, renounce our sorrows, smile at strangers, smile at our reflections, do favours without expecting something in return, ask well being of closed ones, muster the courage to listen to someones agony, walk slowly, hold hands, look someone in the eyes, pay heed to the surroundings, smell the flowers, run after the butterflies, let the rain drench us to the feet, ignore our critics, stop the comparisons, withdraw our noses from someones personal life.

For once, stand still in the open, spread your arms, and when the sunlight kisses every inch of your body, you would realise. The happiness that you seek so earnestly, had always been hidden within you. 

Before I fall out of love

That one night I lay awake wondering why I loved you. It was 5:20 in the morning and you were asleep. I couldn’t think of any reason strong enough to possess my mind and heart in such a manner that the mere thought of separation sent a chill down my spine. 

I couldn’t remember the day when we met, or the day when I fell for you. But I do remember the night when you possessed my soul, trapped it in your charm, and locked it within the fragile walls of your enigma.

Sad truth is, I know you don’t feel the same for me, and I’ve realised you never will. 

A distant and composed melody echoes in my mind, and tells me that one day you will feel for me. It is hope. Against all odds. 

A deafening whistle tries to suppress it, and tells me that one day it will wear away. It is reason. 

It tells me that my hope will stay alive only for so long, until it vanishes as a result of your apathy towards my love. Apathy is a strong word to describe your feelings towards me, but it’s what my heart says tonight. 

Before that happens, before I fall out of love, I wanted to pen down what I feel. Months from now, I might read this, to realise how I’d walked through a sandstorm once, and survived. I wanted to make a note of my feelings before I stop feeling anymore. 

There was a time, when I’d built an iron wall around me before you found your way through it. You’ve sneaked your way inside, not to tear me down to ashes, I suspect, but to give me memories I might cherish?

But memories are not always pleasant. Sometimes it is just the opposite. It is a reflection of all the things that meant a lot to me but not to you. A reflection of all the things we could have accomplished, but we’re afraid to. A reflection of the words unsaid, actions untaken, and feelings not shared. 

Imagine going into a room full of fond memories shared by the two of you. It soothes you, carves a pleasant smile, eases your mind, until you realise that you’re the only one who visits. 

I’ve not fallen in love with your beauty. I’ve not fallen in love with your jovial nature. Neither with your enchanting smile, nor with your shining eyes. I’ve fallen in love with your presence, and your perfect imperfections. Everything else is secondary.

Your presence around me makes me light as bird, floating above, oblivious of any stress or sadness. And it shatters my heart to realise that it’s just temporary. 

Before I fall out of love, I needed to confess how I loved tucking your hair behind your ears which kept falling in front of your face. How I drown in immense pleasure when you rested your head on my shoulder. How I felt like walking in paradise when you walk beside me holding your hand in mine. 

The way you tilt your head and speak in hush tone at 3 in the morning sitting beside me under a tree, I can keep looking at you until eternity. 

It is in your sweet smile that I have found solace. It warms my heart, and sends an impulse in my veins. 

Looking at you, I feel as if I am looking at the sunset towards the horizon, when a mesmerizing breeze caress my body. Though it feels soulful and looks beautiful, I couldn’t endure the distance that separates us, and when the sun finally sets, I am left alone in the darkness, waiting for my eyes to adjust.

You, my dear, have made me break every protocol, every promise I have ever made to myself. You came into my life like a hurricane and demolished my rules like a house of cards. 

All I was left with, were ashes which once were feelings disguised in the form of the smiling mask I wore everyday. 

Before I fall out of love, I'd to tell you that I’d imagined my life with you, living under the shadow of your radiance. I’d imagined myself talking about my scars and finding warmth in your consolation. 

There are no two ways of saying this, but, before I fall out of love, I’d like you to know that you’ve consumed my heart and one day I would like it back. 

I would lock it within an impregnable fortress never to be let out. Chain it with memories, and shut it behind the doors of my outright disgust.

I’ve missed you too!

“Stop missing me and call me already!!! These hiccups are killing me!” I updated on Facebook.

“ How many calls did you get?” a friend pinged me.

“None”, I said, “ I wondered if that person was too shy to confess, until I realized my mom was not on Facebook. I called her, and the moment she heard my voice, the hiccups stopped.”

Picture Courtesy: Anke Photography

Little things

“When did you fall in love with me?”

“ The day when you held my high heels in your hand just so that I could dance without hurting my legs”

The Dance of Happiness

My heart sent my mind aloof, crashing into the distant stars, when I caught her hopping on her feet, in profound joy. Her eyes sparkled an enigmatic shade of sapphire and her lips carved a heavenly smile. Her short hair glued meticulously on her sharp round face, and her hands clapped against each other.

The happiness that erupted from my two year old niece holding a new shell of kinder-joy, dancing like fine wine in a golden chalice, surpassed the happiness of an adult who had the entire world delivered to their feet, by a mountain.

Employee of the Year

"Look Dad, I made it!". She said, proudly revealing her trophy, staring at the stars dangling from the heaven, with bright moistened eyes.

Better half of my life

The feeling of ecstasy followed by a notion of reminisce and nostalgia. Tonight marks an end to the most celebrated span of my life - my college life. The events that passed in a span of four years of college life had blurred most of its memories. And now, I lay here looking forward to start a new life. A life with new footsteps, new environment and new people. Leaving behind a series of best moments I walk towards an unending destination. It frightens me, the loneliness that would follow thereafter. It feels as if I am about to leave a better half of my life behind. But, here I am, looking forward to a brand new rising sun.

Final Days.

The five of us.

Signature day.

College uniform turns into a memento.

And finally, the Farewell.

And thus, we became adults.